if there is one thing that "pushes my button" it is being patient. now most of the time i am a patient person. i don't mind waiting in line at the grocery store (assuming i am not in a hurry, which when it comes to going to the grocery store, i make sure i have the time), and most times i am even ok with waiting for the bathrooms. but some days, like today, waiting and being patient is not something that comes easily. i am a very organized person, and when things don't go as i planned, i am like a steaming train ready to take off. none of this shows who Christ made me to be. none of it is to His glory. i struggle with honoring Him in those moments, and even going to Him for peace. i am a mess of uneasiness, and anxiety, and my heart is in no place to be reverent and honorable. it's in those moments i have to calm myself, and become reverent to go before the King and ask Him to bring His peace upon me. and ask for my mind to be transformed, and to think like Him, so that i may show His love to others.
patience is a hard lesson. one that i will continue to learn the rest of my days i am afraid. but as i desire to be more like my King, my heart will lead me in how He would act. no i will never be like Him, but i can try with everything in me.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
boldness and exhaustion.
today has been such a mix of emotions, but there has been such joy that has been found in these emotions. today has been such a delight to my soul.
the song "Somebody Tell Them" by City Harbor has been on my heart, so as I was getting ready for church today I listened to the song. what boldness is proclaimed throughout the song. some of the lyrics are as follows:
somebody tell him that the lost are saved
somebody tell him that his debt's been paid
and let him know Love is calling out his name.
somebody tell him he's a child of the King
and there's an end to the suffering
in hope that never fades through grace
that's made a way.
somebody tell him.
somebody
tell
him
now.
I love that! it takes such faith and boldness in Christ to endeavor in such a way. but even reading those lyrics, it is obvious that the Truth must be told.
Hebrews 4.16 "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will recieve His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it."(NLT)
once I got to church, our pastor was talking about boldness. what a message the Lord was desiring to put upon my heart. what love for His child. in honesty, sometimes stepping out in boldness scares me. i don't know if it because i care what people as much as i am afraid of scaring them off, and not being able to speak Life into them. but Christ has called us to step out in boldness, through His strength and Love. I was able to step to the front of our church and pray and seek Christ with a couple of my close friends, and what joy was brought to my heart in seeing how the King moved upon their hearts as much as He did mine. my heart is so full.
so after church i was working, and today was my third day in a row working 8 hour shifts, which is sometimes tiring, but this weekend i was swamped with homework, and have just felt exhaustion the whole of this weekend. as my shift was winding down i was thinking about how tired i was, and how much i longed to be in my bed, and feel myself relax and know that i worked hard, and the achievement of finishing a task, and working hard at it. and i recalled when i read "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis (i HIGHLY recommend this book). in a section of the book she is talking about working in an orphanage in Africa, and teaching, and pouring out and ministering, and feeling absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. but knowing that she poured herself out completely that day for the use of Christ. oh how i want to feel that way. that i poured so much of myself into others, with the only purpose being to show them Christ's love. to be able to put my head on my pillow at night in complete exhaustion, but with joy that i let Christ use me that day. what a promise to live for. what a desire.
Colossians 3. 23 "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." (ESV)
the song "Somebody Tell Them" by City Harbor has been on my heart, so as I was getting ready for church today I listened to the song. what boldness is proclaimed throughout the song. some of the lyrics are as follows:
somebody tell him that the lost are saved
somebody tell him that his debt's been paid
and let him know Love is calling out his name.
somebody tell him he's a child of the King
and there's an end to the suffering
in hope that never fades through grace
that's made a way.
somebody tell him.
somebody
tell
him
now.
I love that! it takes such faith and boldness in Christ to endeavor in such a way. but even reading those lyrics, it is obvious that the Truth must be told.
Hebrews 4.16 "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will recieve His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it."(NLT)
once I got to church, our pastor was talking about boldness. what a message the Lord was desiring to put upon my heart. what love for His child. in honesty, sometimes stepping out in boldness scares me. i don't know if it because i care what people as much as i am afraid of scaring them off, and not being able to speak Life into them. but Christ has called us to step out in boldness, through His strength and Love. I was able to step to the front of our church and pray and seek Christ with a couple of my close friends, and what joy was brought to my heart in seeing how the King moved upon their hearts as much as He did mine. my heart is so full.
so after church i was working, and today was my third day in a row working 8 hour shifts, which is sometimes tiring, but this weekend i was swamped with homework, and have just felt exhaustion the whole of this weekend. as my shift was winding down i was thinking about how tired i was, and how much i longed to be in my bed, and feel myself relax and know that i worked hard, and the achievement of finishing a task, and working hard at it. and i recalled when i read "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis (i HIGHLY recommend this book). in a section of the book she is talking about working in an orphanage in Africa, and teaching, and pouring out and ministering, and feeling absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. but knowing that she poured herself out completely that day for the use of Christ. oh how i want to feel that way. that i poured so much of myself into others, with the only purpose being to show them Christ's love. to be able to put my head on my pillow at night in complete exhaustion, but with joy that i let Christ use me that day. what a promise to live for. what a desire.
Colossians 3. 23 "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." (ESV)
Saturday, April 27, 2013
vulnerability.
something that never ceases to cause pain to my heart is when friends stop investing in our friendship. i have quite a gifting in being able to make friends quickly. i love people. i love learning about them. where they are from. places they have been. what they like. what they don't. i just love getting to know people. and making friends. there are times though, that distance, and lack of communication gaps us farther apart. even as i write this my heart begins to hurt for friends i long to be in contact with again. people that i want to sow into my life, and encourage me like they once did. but in the midst of pain, in the midst of desiring friends, my heart has to focus upon the One who is always here. His presence is tangible even if His face is not visible, and His voice is not audible. He is the ultimate. He knows. what peace i need to find in the fact that He does indeed know.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Faithfulness.
I meet weekly with a friend of mind, and Jesus so blesses our time together. I learn so much from her, she is married and expecting in August, and as someone who is single, I love learning things from her about married life and being pregnant. As I continue to grow older, I have remind myself of God's faithfulness. Even when I don't want to. Even when it's hard. And when I don't understand, I have to continually remind myself that He is indeed Faithful to His children. He knows what we need. More than we even do. It's hard to grasp, because we are humans. We know everything. Right? We know whats best. Wrong. As I watch my friends get married, have babies, etc. I sometimes let my flesh take over my mind (never a good decision) and I start to focus on the small things I don't have. Instead I should be looking to Christ and realizing everything He has given me, and even though I may not be experiencing the season my friends are He is still so good, so faithful, so loving and so true. That has to be my focus. That is why I am living, to bring Him honor. To do what He asks of me. That's my sole purpose. To rely on His faithfulness.
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