Seasons.

Time will pass and seasons will come and go. 
Roy Bean

This quote could not be any more true to me than it is right now in this moment. About 10 minutes ago I was having to say goodbye to 2 of my best friends, and it hasn't hit me just yet. (Not really looking forward to when it does)

My last week home has been nothing but perfect. 
I went to a "going away party" complete with a taco bar, good conversation, and sopapilla cheesecake (don't try it unless you want to have your taste buds desire it the rest of your life).
I helped out at a church camp (something I do every year, and completely enjoy, and was thrilled to help even a few days this week).
My brother was in 4H this year and had a pig, so I followed him around a little bit at the fair. And of course I attending the rodeo, and of course it would pour rain (what else would the weather do when I haven't been to a rodeo in 7 years...of course it would rain!)

but the last two days. 
have been pure bliss.

yesterday a friend and I drove about 30 miles away to say goodbye to another friend, and long story very short had to wait around town for a while before we could go over to her house. those precious hours spent with my friend will not be easily forgotten. between fits of hysterical laughter, we managed to find a book sale-seriously the best money I have spent all summer. And an adorable soda shop that had a red-head soda jerk manager from Las Vegas, who wanted to do nothing more than talk our ears off, which we were delighted to let her do. and rounding off the day we were invited to supper, where of course we laughed (this friends and I have a natural knack for making anything "not that funny" seem hysterical, at least to each other). 

today I helped at camp, and eventually made my way home. then the rest of the day was filled with final goodbyes, starbucks, snow cones, livestock, dancing, and tiltawirl rides. and then the day ended with goodbyes. to be honest, those things just suck. I've had my share of them, and they don't get easier no matter what lies people tell you. 

today was a bombardment of "seasonal eyeopeners." between helping a two year old find flower for her mommy, watching my brother show his pig and hang out with his friends, spending time with two of my very best married couple friends, and seeing my best friends for one of the last times before we move. not to mention my friend is in labor to deliver her first child! it's all just mad! I can't believe I am at this point right now about to go off by myself, and say goodbye to friends and family, and be just me for a while. I never thought this would come, and I cannot believe it's here. when you leave somewhere, sometimes it may take a while to truly realize you love it. 

I love it here. I love the simplicity. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the little kids who know me, and tell me with glowing eyes all about their carnival rides. I love the freezing rain that drenches my rodeo watching evening. I love the random dancing my friends and I do. I love spontaneous trips to nearby cities, and finding a red-headed soda jerk who loves to talk as much as I do. I love family and friends being around a table eating and talking. I love my married friends and their growing families and feeling that friends' belly as her son moves around while we talk to him. I love getting dizzy on the tilitawirl one last before I move. I love making hysterical memories with my friends. and lastly I love the brokenness I'm allowing my heart to feel about saying goodbye to all these things, because I know that it's only for a season. 

thing have to change, and things have to go on. but I'll be back, and I know I will love this place every bit as much when I come back as I do right now. and yeah it sucks. but sometimes things have to change so you can appreciate them so much more. 

time's been sweet to me.

sometimes I don't understand myself. 

I love doing something for a season...then forget about it, or find "something better to do" 

and here I am again. 

hopefully for once I can try to stay consistent. 

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as I write this I am listening to "good in goodbye" by carrie underwood. 

which is a song about broken love. 

but it still-in a way- relates to me in this season of life. 

I am getting ready to move away from home. 

all I've known.

the friends I have.

my family. 

it's insane. 

I began to realize how much I love my little home here in Kansas. I love my friends. I love my church. I love my well spent time. The fact that in my little town there isn't much to do. So we have to be creative...we actually have to spend time together. 

cook.

clean. 

play cards.

watch movies. 

make popcorn. 

stargaze. 

coffee shops.

watch a sunset/sunrise.

summer.

fair. 

talk. 

walk. 

drive. 

parades. 

art walks. 

libraries. 

{these are a few of my favorite memories here}

all this is coming to an end. for now. 

I love learning new things about myself...when I do find something out about myself and I understand why I am designed that way it's easier to express myself. 

I know that I am an over planner. 

I am not always an over planner/over thinker. 

but I am sometimes. 

I have had to keep myself in check as this season has approached me. I know that I will definitely be gone for a couple years, if not more, and in thinking and planning ahead for the future. I still have to remember that God has plans. that far exceed mine. so I have to leave room for Him to do what He will. which is obviously hard...for an over planner. 

this season didn't come without trials. 

school can sometimes be a mess. 

I honestly don't think I have been "tested" more in my life than the last year. 

and some of the best advice I have heard this years was this:

just because bad things happen {or stressful things} doesn't mean God doesn't want you to do what you're doing. it just means that things happen. 

I grew up always thinking "God lets everything happen for a reason" 

which is true. 

but as I got older- for whatever reason- I always started looking for the "sign" in my trials. like...why God was letting something. It never donned on me...until I actually sat back and thought about it....

I live in a crappy world, and crappy stuff happens, that doesn't means Jesus loves me less, or I did something wrong, it means through it all He will be there. and I don't need to worry. 

that's hard pill for this over thinker to swallow. 

but slowly and surely.

the pill is being swallowed. 

Matthew 6:34(ESV)

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.