identifying.

I absolutely love and adore my friends. I have such great friends, and the most incredible thing to me is that they are all of the United States. I have such close friends that live miles and miles away. 

Minnesota.

California-soon to be in Tennessee. 

Missouri. 

 

Just to name a few. And then I have friends that are close that live in Kansas, but still miles away. 

What a privilege to have close friends. [and God bless the inventor of FaceTime/Skype] 

I am realizing that I could not go through this life without close friends. I'm a fiercely independent individual, so the idea of me having close friends that live miles away is hard, but I understand we all are our own people, and I love that I get to see my friends live their lives. And I know it wouldn't be the same if everything was the same as it was when we were together. 

I love identifying with friends, what special moments friendships can bring someone. When we can relate and give advice and pour out our dreams and wishes, everything. It's the most simple but complex beautiful relationship on the planet [I think]. Because no matter what under any circumstance those close friends will always be there. What other human on the planet can you treat like family, and "adopt as your own" but friends?  

Friends are beautiful.

Urg---if you even consider that a word.

Sometimes it's ok to be vulnerable and admit failure.

I failed today. I failed to keep myself calm, and keep a level head.

I'm 21, which means nothing except I have a specific "button." This "button" really sets me off-and I'm not someone usually set off by much. I hate when I feel taken advantage of in a work place. I work at a grocery store, and therefore-as one might imagine-people call in, people are sick, etc, and others (ahem, me) have to cover shifts. This is fine and most days I don't mind. But today I agreed to work until a specific time, and needless to say my co-worker didn't show up until 20 minutes past the time she said she would-the time we had agreed on.

I am even a sympathetic person, but when someone doesn't recognize the responsibility they have to their job, and to the person who is covering their butt at the end of the day, I tend to get irritated. especially if the co-worker is older than I am. 

So my co-worker finally shows up, I leave.

I'm trying to calm myself, and contain my rage. "Chill" if you will.

I get to my car (and at this moment in time it's like 9 degrees out and ice is in the parking lot).

I let my car warm up, and drive off, I'm going like 5 miles an hour and realizing my car is riding kind of weird. I couldn't tell if it was because I was sliding...or because my tire was flat. [on the passenger side-the side I didn't see walking up to my car-I'm no moron]. So I pull over. Sure enough -flat tire. Well at this point I was about 2 blocks from the grocery store, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW this morning I had left my phone at home because the phone battery was going to die anyhow, and I only worked 4 hours (which turned into 5.5 hrs but whatever). So I walk back to work call my brother, and they come, get the spare changed, etc.

[no I had never learned how to change a tire until tonight, but now I know how so it's fine]

So that was my evening.

Learning about yourself and what "buttons" you have I think is good, because you can find ways to better improve your response to situations.

I hope you have a splendid day (or evening, or whatever)

xo

2015.

I started off my New Year with an all night lock-in. This is generally an alright thing, unless you're me. 

December 30, 2014: I decided it would be a good idea to try and stay up as late as possible tonight because then logically I would sleep in tomorrow. Therefore I would be a little bit more rested for the New Years Eve lock-in (sounds perfect right? wrong). After forcing myself to stay up until 3:30 a.m. I went to sleep. 

December 31, 2014: I woke up at 8:30 a.m. FIVE hours of sleep, that was NOT going to keep me up all night at the lock-in. The crummies thing was, I didn't even feel tired. This was not working out for me. So again logically I thought that I would just sleep a few hours before the lock-in. So the rest of the morning I packed up all my stuff-because oh yeah, right after the lock-in (and I mean right after- as in leaving from when the lock-in was over) I was driving 2. 5 hours back home because I was moving back. (Another story for a few paragraphs down-just stick me with me). So around 3pm I laid down to sleep-and I felt tired at this point- and I was going to sleep for about 2.5 hours, not necessarily sufficient but it was something. I had to be to the church at 6pm before kids got there around 7pm so this was about all the time I had. I laid in bed for an hour and didn't fall asleep. At this point I was just frustrated and decided to just get up, and watch House Hunters International until I had to leave.  The lock-in was awesome, even though I was a volunteer, I have quite a few close friends still in high school, and one of my other close friends volunteered also so it was really fun! We had Papa Murphy's pizza-which I think is the best pizza in the world, and watched a movie (which I half dozed through but didn't really sleep through), and played games. Honestly I wouldn't have wanted to spend my last day with my friends any other way. 

January 1, 2015: We left the lock-in about 5:45 a.m. I was tired, but I knew that if I crashed at someone's house I would just sleep all day and never get home to unpack all my stuff. I said good bye to my friends-which was really hard, and started my 2.5 hr drive home. It mostly consisted of my singing and dancing and slapping my face to stay awake. But either way I got home and crashed (in my bed that is, not my vehicle). And THAT is how I rang in the New Year. 

After sleeping a little bit, I managed to unpack 90% of my belongings, which I am very proud of considering all I wanted to do was sleep for the rest of my life. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So. Yes, I moved back home for a semester. *sigh* 

After living on my own for 4 months, this is going to be much different. It's different enough moving back in with your family, but I also had to leave friends I had gotten really close to over the time I was living there. I mean, when you don't have immediate family you're living with, you find people that truly become your family...and it's hard to leave them. I know I'll be fine but change is sometimes not completely accepted by me with open arms. I am an independent individual and so yes change is always somewhat exciting, but this change has been much harder-already- than I anticipated. 

But cheers to a New Year, new adventures, new memories, new people. 2015, I'm ready for ya.