plans.

do you ever just feel so over your head you don't know what to do?

when I was younger I loved going swimming. remember those moments when you were under the water, holding your breath, and fighting every instinct to take a breath, but fighting your way to the surface, knowing it was almost there. and in the single moment before you take a breath, you felt relief? knowing what you needed was right at your fingertips?

that's my life right now. for weeks I've felt like I was swimming around in a fog, holding my breath, but I can feel the tension in the water breaking, and I know that my fresh breath of air is coming. and oh is it needed!

I'm a planner. Definitely type A. Headstrong. you name it. I've planned my life, I know what I want. It's going to happen. but in the midst of planning I was reminded that I still need to leave room for God to move. planning isn't bad. having goals isn't bad, but when those goals and plans don't leave room for Christ to do something we have a problem. It's hard. believe me....my type A heart doesn't take much convincing to know that. but the beauty is Christ gives us control. We can let Him take the plans and goals we have or we can be completely focused on ourselves, and what we think it should look like, and never find out what a wonderful plan He may have. because I know that His plan for my life is much more beautiful than I could ever think or imagine, but convincing my heart of that is much harder than I ever thought possible.

growing up.

In my life I've realized there was a point I reached that I no longer wanted to be selfish.

I think there is such a humbling aspect of serving.

My friends and I joke that I'm the "mom" of the group. I want to cook, I want to serve, I want to do dishes when they aren't mine to do. These things aren't necessarily things I like to do all the time-sometimes I don't want to touch dishes, like ever, I'd be just peachy to never do them-

but it's not the task...it's the heart in doing the task. 

So as I'm getting older and growing up, I'm trying to keep my heart pure in my servanthood and realizing that it is truly a way to show that you care about people in your life. God willing, someday when I'm a wife and mom I want to be able to have the same heart of servanthood. I want to be able to serve and love my family and never have bitterness or anger about it. I want to teach my children to do the same thing! I think serving each other is such a pure thing that gets overlooked.
My mom served us for years, and I never really appreciated it, and in the last year it's become something I've noticed, and I'm thankful for.

I'm loving growing up and learning all these life lessons, even if they're hard to swallow.