life.

so. it's been a while.

I'll catch you up:

I've been through an entire semester of school, and haven't blogged even once.

I started a new job in August (but will now be transferring to another store-differnt job in about a week).

I've made new friends.

I've cooked a lot.

And life has generally been good!

I am one of those people who is very excited that Christmas is over. The Christmas music stops playing, and rather than "Jingle Bell Rock" being on repeat at work I get to listen to "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" instead. It's a harsh reality, but worth the agony.

School starts up in a matter of a couple weeks, and hopefully I'll be able to fit in some fun before it all begins again!

This is life right now, and all I can dream about is being done with school, and being able to get my own place, and live life. And I need to stop, cause the ungratefulness starts to kick in.

Ok, update over, I'll be back soon-hopefully, no promises.

xo

Seasons.

Time will pass and seasons will come and go. 
Roy Bean

This quote could not be any more true to me than it is right now in this moment. About 10 minutes ago I was having to say goodbye to 2 of my best friends, and it hasn't hit me just yet. (Not really looking forward to when it does)

My last week home has been nothing but perfect. 
I went to a "going away party" complete with a taco bar, good conversation, and sopapilla cheesecake (don't try it unless you want to have your taste buds desire it the rest of your life).
I helped out at a church camp (something I do every year, and completely enjoy, and was thrilled to help even a few days this week).
My brother was in 4H this year and had a pig, so I followed him around a little bit at the fair. And of course I attending the rodeo, and of course it would pour rain (what else would the weather do when I haven't been to a rodeo in 7 years...of course it would rain!)

but the last two days. 
have been pure bliss.

yesterday a friend and I drove about 30 miles away to say goodbye to another friend, and long story very short had to wait around town for a while before we could go over to her house. those precious hours spent with my friend will not be easily forgotten. between fits of hysterical laughter, we managed to find a book sale-seriously the best money I have spent all summer. And an adorable soda shop that had a red-head soda jerk manager from Las Vegas, who wanted to do nothing more than talk our ears off, which we were delighted to let her do. and rounding off the day we were invited to supper, where of course we laughed (this friends and I have a natural knack for making anything "not that funny" seem hysterical, at least to each other). 

today I helped at camp, and eventually made my way home. then the rest of the day was filled with final goodbyes, starbucks, snow cones, livestock, dancing, and tiltawirl rides. and then the day ended with goodbyes. to be honest, those things just suck. I've had my share of them, and they don't get easier no matter what lies people tell you. 

today was a bombardment of "seasonal eyeopeners." between helping a two year old find flower for her mommy, watching my brother show his pig and hang out with his friends, spending time with two of my very best married couple friends, and seeing my best friends for one of the last times before we move. not to mention my friend is in labor to deliver her first child! it's all just mad! I can't believe I am at this point right now about to go off by myself, and say goodbye to friends and family, and be just me for a while. I never thought this would come, and I cannot believe it's here. when you leave somewhere, sometimes it may take a while to truly realize you love it. 

I love it here. I love the simplicity. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the little kids who know me, and tell me with glowing eyes all about their carnival rides. I love the freezing rain that drenches my rodeo watching evening. I love the random dancing my friends and I do. I love spontaneous trips to nearby cities, and finding a red-headed soda jerk who loves to talk as much as I do. I love family and friends being around a table eating and talking. I love my married friends and their growing families and feeling that friends' belly as her son moves around while we talk to him. I love getting dizzy on the tilitawirl one last before I move. I love making hysterical memories with my friends. and lastly I love the brokenness I'm allowing my heart to feel about saying goodbye to all these things, because I know that it's only for a season. 

thing have to change, and things have to go on. but I'll be back, and I know I will love this place every bit as much when I come back as I do right now. and yeah it sucks. but sometimes things have to change so you can appreciate them so much more. 

time's been sweet to me.

sometimes I don't understand myself. 

I love doing something for a season...then forget about it, or find "something better to do" 

and here I am again. 

hopefully for once I can try to stay consistent. 

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as I write this I am listening to "good in goodbye" by carrie underwood. 

which is a song about broken love. 

but it still-in a way- relates to me in this season of life. 

I am getting ready to move away from home. 

all I've known.

the friends I have.

my family. 

it's insane. 

I began to realize how much I love my little home here in Kansas. I love my friends. I love my church. I love my well spent time. The fact that in my little town there isn't much to do. So we have to be creative...we actually have to spend time together. 

cook.

clean. 

play cards.

watch movies. 

make popcorn. 

stargaze. 

coffee shops.

watch a sunset/sunrise.

summer.

fair. 

talk. 

walk. 

drive. 

parades. 

art walks. 

libraries. 

{these are a few of my favorite memories here}

all this is coming to an end. for now. 

I love learning new things about myself...when I do find something out about myself and I understand why I am designed that way it's easier to express myself. 

I know that I am an over planner. 

I am not always an over planner/over thinker. 

but I am sometimes. 

I have had to keep myself in check as this season has approached me. I know that I will definitely be gone for a couple years, if not more, and in thinking and planning ahead for the future. I still have to remember that God has plans. that far exceed mine. so I have to leave room for Him to do what He will. which is obviously hard...for an over planner. 

this season didn't come without trials. 

school can sometimes be a mess. 

I honestly don't think I have been "tested" more in my life than the last year. 

and some of the best advice I have heard this years was this:

just because bad things happen {or stressful things} doesn't mean God doesn't want you to do what you're doing. it just means that things happen. 

I grew up always thinking "God lets everything happen for a reason" 

which is true. 

but as I got older- for whatever reason- I always started looking for the "sign" in my trials. like...why God was letting something. It never donned on me...until I actually sat back and thought about it....

I live in a crappy world, and crappy stuff happens, that doesn't means Jesus loves me less, or I did something wrong, it means through it all He will be there. and I don't need to worry. 

that's hard pill for this over thinker to swallow. 

but slowly and surely.

the pill is being swallowed. 

Matthew 6:34(ESV)

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

the valley.

Isaiah 41:10

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Valley: a low area of land between hills or mountains, typically with a river or stream flowing through it.

this is my season. valley. i know each person has them. and each valley looks different. but what a place....

i can't say that i have ever felt like there is such a mountain to climb to get to the top.

while finishing my school year and preparing for next this valley could not have come at a worse time. 

i am someone who constantly tries to provide for myself. planning out everything. and a good friend told me something very wise this week....sometimes i am planning so much i don't give God room to do anything.

i map out my finances.

i map out my future.

i map out.

everything. 

and when my plans don't go as planned, i get stressed and don't trust. but that's the beauty of God, no matter what. He is really truly always there. always. even in the valley. the darkest, scariest valley. 

what i absolutely love about the valley definition above is the part about the "rive or stream." it really does seem almost every valley has a river or stream in it. and in my valley that is so true. my constant refreshment is Jesus. He is the only one who can bring me peace, and joy. 

even when it's hard and i don't understand why everything happens, it has purpose. 

Life.

life is so good right now! finally  I know where I am going to school, I know where I am living, everything is working out.  I am someone who loves to be planned, and over the last couple years I have felt very....stuck. unsure what I was doing, what was happening. It's not that I didn't think or have any idea of what career path I wanted to take, I just wasn't certain what God was wanting me to do. finally after spending time praying about it I felt at peace. and then opportunities came up, and just great things are happening. and right now (even in the midst of being busy, and stressed, and exhausted) I am still finding place to give thanks and praise to God for being awesome and orchestrating my life to a T. it's fantastic, and I couldn't be more happy than I am right now.

Jesus I Want To Love Just Like You.

The last two mornings I have been up at 5:30. A.M. that is. 

This normally wouldn't be a "big deal" except being a college student, and being at a college function, you can get many weird looks. On the logical side of being  up this early, my entire reason is because I cannot do homework while in a car. So the six hour bus ride does me no good on the homework front, and so I get to greet the mornings. Early. 

This morning I decided to listen to some worship music as I do my homework. And while listening to some music, I realized I really do like early mornings. Just the peace, and knowing I can sit in stillness and listen to my Creator. Minus the poor hotel coffee, and the distractions of "Goodmornings" these mornings are becoming fun times with the Lord. In which I can just sit in His presence. I have found time to sit at His feet. And it is bliss.