Forgiveness.

Forgiveness can be such a tough thing. Mostly though, I find it's the toughest when it's dealing with myself. Letting things go, and moving on can be very hard. Most days I sit and ask myself "why?"; that's always the kicker. I wonder why I thought something was a good idea in the first place, I wonder why I decided to follow through with horrible decisions, and each time I convince myself, that I am not worthy to be a child of God. Which in and of itself is true, I do not deserve to be loved by Him, I do not deserve to have His grace and mercy. But He gives it to me. He is here to lead me even when I feel unworthy. He loves me! Even in the middle my sin, and unforgiveness, He has forgiven me already! What a thing to try and understand, someone who loves you so much that He loves you even if you're sinning, even if you're feeling unworthy and worthless. He gives us our worth! I have to remind myself of this daily, because when I become focused on myself, and my own problems, I can never focus on what He has for me.

Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Live in that promise today!

Dreaming.

One of my favorite things on earth to do is to dream. More or less day dream. Imagine how I want to live life after being "grown up." after school, when I start "real life." Nothing makes me more excited than this imagination I have! I love thinking about all the adventures I may have outside of my hometown. I think of all the people I will meet, all the music I can play, all the coffee shops I can stumble upon. It's wonderful sometimes to think about these things. Especially when I begin to feel trapped here by school, with no desire to continue to learn. Then I begin to come back into the reality that so many people don't have the opportunity to learn like I do. And so they cycle continues.

I want so badly to live in a city (or town) that inspires me! I want to be able to have friends who desperately want Jesus, and who will come over to my home and share eternal experiences. I want to have friends over just to sip coffee and tea, and talk with me. I want to be able to make my own food, haha, that is one of my absolute favorite things to think about. I want to travel, and go "adventuring". Road trips with friends sound like the most delightful thing in the world right now. My heart wants so many things....so so many things, and I continually have to remind myself that He has such big plans for me. Although I struggle here, He knows I do, He is here to comfort me, and hold my heart. He knows what He is doing, and even though I don't entirely understand I have to trust...that is so hard and so "not human" for us. To truly and absolutely trust someone.

Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Triumph

Exhaustion. The only thing my body seems to know anymore. The only thing my body seems to be able to accomplish. It's like my body chases after it. I know I need sleep, and so does my body, but once I lay down, my mind becomes like a thousand dandelion seeds being blown in the wind, each seed planting somewhere else, and an idea forming. This has become the nightly routine, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but when sleep and ideas collide. Ideas always win.

Amidst the waves of sleepiness, nausea, and achy-ness as my body tries to figure out how hours of sleep got away from us, there is always the need to go on, persist. Keep my eyes open just an hour longer, until I can rest. To focus on what the teacher is saying, although my daydreams are far more enchanting. At the end of the day, after fighting myself, for what seems to be years, I look and see that it's almost time to rest once more. Triumph. That is the only word that makes sense in that moment. There is something about pushing your body to do what it thinks it cannot that is one of the best feeling for your soul. Although this night may not be the night my mind turns off, I can always dream.

Voices

Noise. Voices. It's what surrounds me at this very moment. Sitting in my schools cafeteria is quite the place to be. So many conversations. So many hilarious moments, or so it seems from the loud laughter entering my ears. As I sit here I am thinking about the voices I allow myself to listen to. Are they good voices? Are they having a good impact on my life? Or are they voices full of negativity that make me think less of myself? We all desire to listen to the good voices I think. But that is much more difficult. With good influences comes constructive criticism especially if the voices we listen to are people we see frequently. Choosing who you listen to, or what you allow yourself to listen to, can affect how little or how much you think of yourself. So I beg you dear reader, be very careful when deciding which voices you allow yourself to listen to.

Success

Success: the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

What is success? Really? Is it how much money you make? The house you live in? The car you drive? How you raise your children? Whom you marry? Is it the amount of people you impact?

Success can be a number of things. Success for an individual can be unlimited! It all starts with you. Who do you look at as being successful? What is success to you? No one can tell you whether you are successful or not. No one can look at a family who rakes in about $25k a year, but still has love in the home, and loves what they do, whether that is working at a grocery store, or volunteering most of their time at a homeless shelter, and tell them they are not successful. Success is what you make it. When you start comparing your success to others...that's when we begin to stumble in our own abilities.

When I look at my life compared to say Miley Cyrus, heaven knows that I do not make as much money, nor have I had countless people look up to me as a role model, nor have I made any albums, television shows, or movies. But just because I have done none of these does that make me any less of a successful person? Of course not! Even if I never make as much money as Miley Cyrus, at least I am blessed enough to have a job, even if there are not thousands of little girls looking up to me, I know there is at least one. Even if I never make a music album, singing to someone can bless their day. If I never make a television show or movie, but I volunteer my acting abilities at my local school, church, or theatre club, am I unsuccessful? No.

Putting in perspective what you think success is can change your whole outlook on life. Jesus designed us to be success stories, to show His glory. Being successful to glorify Him...that should be our goal. So go right now. Right out what you think is considered success. When will you be successful? Trust me, it will change you whole outlook on life.

Starbucks Adventures.

If there is ever a day that you want to feel like you know who you are, and how diverse we all are created spend an afternoon in your local coffee shop. I frequently do this. It is so interesting to watch and observe people; we are all so uniquely different. In how we dress. How we act. What coffee we like, or don't like. Diversity is something I think we can easily take for granted. How weird and awful would it be if we were all exactly the same. Nothing would define you as you. How tragic. Realizing who you are, and what you like is such an adventure. I love seeing how people dress, especially when living in Kansas. I live in a farming community, a lot of people dress in plaid shirts and cowboy boots. It is so fun to see the different variations of style. Starbucks is a wonderful place to observe this. Seeing the variations of smiles, and laughs brings joy to my heart. How wonderful of our Creator to design us this way. None of us are the same. We are so amazingly created by the One who loves us so dearly. The One that spent time deciding what color of eyes we will have. What color of hair. How tall He wanted us to be. What kind of laugh would float up to heaven and bring Him joy. What an amazing Creator we have.