insomnia...

insomnia is by far, hands down, one hundred percent, my least favorite thing. ever.
i am a sleeper. i love sleeping. i'm talking 20 minute naps sound good to me i like sleeping so much. one of the many reasons that i love sleeping is because you close your eyes, sleep, and BOOM it's the next day. new adventures. new people. new experiences. who knows what's going to happen. but alas there are nights such as these that my mind will not be still. even for a moment.

this has been my thought process over the last 2 hours of me trying to sleep:

money.
college.
degree.
friends.
boy.
traveling.
food.
expenses.
college.
degree.
hairstyles.
work.
stress.
money.
new guitar?
new iPad?
taylor.
gibson.
taylor.
gibson.
money.
college.
Bible camp.
friends.
work.
school.
church.
youth group.
boy.
work.
finances.
hairstyles.
working out.
running.
yoga.
abs.
hairstyles.
starbucks.

ugh! if my mind only didn't think so much in a day! i work at a nursing home and almost everyday is the same. i go to work at 1:45p and get off at 10:15p. at about 7:30p my body starts to go into a lethargic mode, and i have to make myself pick up the pace, to stay awake, although with every person i dress down and put to bed, every denture i clean, and every face i wash, i desperately want to be them.
after work, i come home, take a shower, still tired. and once i hit the pillow, my body decides to rebel. so most times i stay up watching a tv show or something before i hit the hay. but there are nights like tonight that i am so beyond the point of being tired, that there is no hope for me to sleep. my body is already used to not being asleep when it needs to be. (does that make any sense?)
once i have reached this point my mind wanders to anything and everything, and i cannot for the life of me make it stop.

tomorrow i am getting my hair done. just a trim. but do i think about that? nope. i think about every single way i want my hair to look by the time i die. right now it is very long (not past my bum though, that's just to much). and blonde. at some point i want to die it brown. and then blonde again. short this time. and then maybe a pixie. ugh, who knows.

college. it starts in about a month and a half. i'm going to be a doctor. but how will i pay for all of that? (the best is the guilt of the lack of finances i have now because i am a young adult and decided in previous years it was wise to spend most of my money instead of save it.....that was a high dose of sarcasm if you didn't catch it) but somehow i must find the way to get the money i need, because i don't want to take out more loans than i have to. so next year i need to work every weekend. and most every weekday if i can. but i also have to work in the office at the college because i am a student ambassador.

guitars. i need a new one. one that doesn't sound like i should only be playing in a barn. one i can play at church, and it sounds like a real instrument. taylor. i want a taylor. very badly. but taylor's are very expensive. and i could buy one but now i also could use an ipad for school, and  it would be more of a "need" than a taylor, but i cannot get both. so now i have decided that instead of getting a taylor this summer i will get a gibson, or a fender. whatever the guitar store has. (this is the only though process that has come to a conclusion)

working out. not doing it. need to do it. period.

i will stop boring you now. i am going to try and attempt the impossible by falling once more into bed and only hoping that my body has warn out by my fingers flying across these keys. it's doubtful, but i'll try it.

xo

P.S. i am not this much of a thinker all the time. just when i can't sleep, it's pitiful.